M-au intrebat unul, doi, trei prieteni.
Stiu de unde vine intrebarea, cunosc asa de bine locul. Vine din acelasi loc cu “Dar daca nu sunt in stare?”, “Dar daca nu sunt destul de bun?”, “Dar daca esuez?”.
Exact ce ne tine in loc atunci cand vrem sa iesim din zona de confort si sa aducem un vant de schimbare in viata noastra.
Indoiala, nesiguranta, teama de ce vor zice x si y si z (nu stiu cum e la voi, dar la mine x, y si z nici nu erau mereu persoane dragi si apropiate, in care sa am incredere si pe care sa le respect).
Am functionat asa de multi ani de acolo incat stiu cum se respira, cum se simte in corp, stiu carcelul paralizant, gustul tristetii si felul cum se aduna gandurile ca o pavaza. “Nu pot sa fac asta pentru ca a si pentru ca b dar mai ales pentru ca daca.”
De data asta e altfel, am incredere si merg mai departe cu aceasta incredere.
Cu bucuria si cu entuziasmul.
Asa ca o sa imi pregatesc clasele ( cu intentia insa sa fiu pregatita si sa le schimb in ultima clipa, in functie de ce va cere situatia, asa cum m-a invatat Ionut, profesorul meu de yoga) si o sa merg mai departe.
Nu stiu ce va fi si cum va fi. Dar daca vor fi momente cand nu va veni nimeni, acum ma vad ca as pregati ora, as pregati sala si as fi acolo.
Poate o sa fac yoga, poate o sa sed, poate o sa fiu un pic trista. Poate o sa caut si o sa recitesc povestirea de mai jos, una din povestirile adevarate care ma emotioneaza cel mai tare.
“When I think about service, I think about my first teacher, Arvis Joen Justi.
She opened her house to strangers for more than thirty years. Her living room was set up for meditation—black cushions laid out on top of black mats and a small bodhisattva figure at the front of the room. Everything was understated and simple. Arvis cleared her schedule every Sunday and prepared a talk. She did not ask for anything in return. I was impressed by her quiet, humble way and the tremendous strength beneath her humility—a reservoir of clarity and wisdom, of a more awakened way of seeing and experiencing.
I will never stop reflecting upon the great devotion Arvis had to serving something that was important—something she loved. When she first started to offer teachings at her house, she would sit down after preparing everything, but nobody showed up. Still, she wrote a talk, set up her meditation room, and opened her house every single week, week after week. Sometimes, out of compassion, her husband would sit with her, but mostly she sat alone.
She continued to do this for an entire year without a single person coming. That is dedication! What service to the dharma, the Buddhist teachings—not being in service to how many people appear, to numbers or normal measures of success, but to doing what she was called to do.
Her dedication was a great teaching for me. It touched my heart because it spoke to what service is: the willingness to put ourselves in a position of giving, to be an embodiment of what we are dedicated to, and to put our life, time, attention, and energy into the most important things. Even when Arvis was sitting in her living room alone, she was in service to all the people who might show up in the future.”
“The Most Important Thing: Discovering Truth at the Heart of Life” by Adyashanti
(Pentru cei care nu stiu engleza, este o poveste despre Arvis Joen Justi, extraordinara maestra spirituala a lui Adyashanti, care atunci cand a inceput sa predea, in fiecare duminica si-a pregatit discursul si camera de zi pentru a primi studenti care au inceput sa vina abia dupa un an. )
Iar daca un pic din increderea mea va merge inapoi la cei care ma intreaba dar mai ales se intreaba pe ei insisi “dar daca nu va veni nimeni?” si asta ii tine putin in loc, e o treaba buna.